Dear June,
I saw you at church Sunday. You were kind enough to come and speak to me. For that I am grateful. You sasked how I was doing. I honestly replied, “Not very well.”
I have replayed the conversation many times since. I have a couple of thoughts. First, I am really glad I did not give you and Rob a “free pass” by saying I am fine. I am not fine. I am hurt by the betrayal. Of all the people at this church, I gave you the most of myself. I shared honestly with you and of things that mattered. I respected your opion snd ideas. I honestly thought we shared mutual respect for one another. I would not have bestowed the title of friend upon you, but I thought the possibility existed.
In my thinking of how things played out at the church, I am quite convinced you had an influence of Rob’s lead. I am guessing you came back from your conference on conflict resolution knowing the board had to have a change of dynamics. I do not know that you came up with the plan and I know you certainly were not the one to implement. But I am just cynical enough to wonder if it will make a good case study for your doctoral dissertation. If it is, I wonder if you will include antecedotes of the collateral damage. Will you tell of the people who walk away from the Church because it is mean? Will you tell the stories of the people with whom Derrick had relationships and they are now stripped away? Will you recount the cynicism created by the lies and charades of the elders?
It is one thing for a board to make decisions about the production of widgets. It is quite another to be affecting the way people understand God and the community of believers. It is not by accident Jesus said, “They will know you are Christians by your love.” It is not by our efficiency, our willingness to implement programs, or any other board decision. It is by our love. Please tell me, how did this conflict resolution demonstrate any love? The board may have been “saved” but how many people are lost because they saw the unkindness? They felt the sting of betrayal.