Father’s Day! A time to celebrate the blessing of our father. It is mandated by culture that we take time to reflect on our dads, and since I am a compliant individual, I will reflect.
My dad, like most dads has his strengths and weaknesses. My parents divorced when I was ten. At that time, I largely decided Dad was the more reasonable parent and I respected his calm demeanor. I liked that he did not yell, but maintained his composure — in direct contrast to my mother who was a yeller. As I moved into the teenage years I learned more things about my dad that were less flattering of him – infidelity and selfishness being two that stood out.
Moving into the early college years there was a desire to re-connect. I gave more effort and made great inroads. And as Dad divorced his second wife and started courting his third, I largely chose indifference. And then I fell in love and Dad gave me away at my wedding. He provided the wedding and he was proud of me. It was good.
As I started having my children, I became more perplexed about my dad. He wanted to do right by us children, but did not seem to know how. He looked forward to having grandchildren, but then moved out of the country. He would make plans to visit and be hours late. He would make little comments that hurt my feelings – like suggesting I talked too much or was too idealistic.
But now I am raising teenagers of my own. I see how much they misunderstand me. I see how the judgments of a teenage girl may not be accurate at all. Perhaps some of my hurt feelings came from my own misinterpretations rather than disapproval from my dad. Perhaps it is important to extend him grace — I know I will need the grace of my children. It is hard to be perfectly fair, consistent, and right. It is even harder when each incident must stand for weeks instead of being extended the grace of daily life.
Today, I can still see the failings of my dad. I could choose to concentrate on those things. But I think I prefer to appreciate that Dad wants to be a good dad, but doesn’t know that much about it. He is doing the best he can with what he has – a judgmental daughter who sees him every year or two. His decisions are with purpose, just with a different perspective than mine.