DABDA
Elizabeth Kubler Ross once wrote about the stages of grief. DABDA — Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
I can attest to these steps. I have definitely had points of them all. All except perhaps the acceptance. Tonight was perhaps a noteworthy time of acceptance.
The Shepherd and I talked at length about some of my limitations–ones I had not been willing to acknowledge.
I hate my limitations. I hate feeling like a non-contributor. I hate feeling like a taker– unable to pull my weight. I hate believing in a God who could have healed me and chose not to.
And my reality is– I have limitations– physical limitations, spatial limitations, memory limitations. Some can be compensated for– some cannot. Life will never be as it was before the tumor was diagnosed. I will not be the same.
I do have strengths. I do have things to offer the church, my family, my friends. I will have to be more creative than the average Joe. I will have to be more patient. I may not be the mover and shaker I once thought I would be.
As for God, I have to work that one out still. But for today, I am willing to take the next step for a richer life within the limitations I now have.