I remember in high school coming to the incredible realization that in many aspects of life it is not reality that matters as much as one’s perceptions of reality. We do not judge another by their intentions, but by our understanding of their intentions.
Even as a parent, I often guide my daughters by what I understand their heart to be. If their judgment was poor, but their reasoning was pure hearted there is much grace. We will talk about better ways to handle the situation, but it will be for growth and not punishment.
Now is an awkward time in my life because my perceptions of reality are often skewed. I must call upon others for much grace as I forget what I have been told. My perception is skewed so much. I absolutely must err on the side of grace and must depend on others to extend me much grace as I am an annoyance in my forgetfulness. I feel like I am left out of discussions and decision making to be told I was a part and have forgotten.
At that point the emotions within me feel like stormy waters- building larger and larger with no outlet but destruction. When I cannot trust my memories or my understandings, on what am I to build upon?
I remember so much. And yet I am useless in so much. Or an annoyance, or an outright hindrance.