About the time I think I have reached a breaking point of frustration,something happens that suggests to me God has a hand in this life that often feels so out of control.
This past week has been graduation week. It was a week of stress with much stress preceding the week.
Initially my mom was not going to come because my oldest had hurt her feelings. My dad was coming with my step-mom. They have tension between each other. While here,Dad wants to be fatherly and tell me all the things I need to do– including communicate better. My mom was in the room and chimes in with her complaints about me not communicating either. Tension is building and building.
I do not have great short term memory. On the phone I do not have the non-verbal clues of when I am repeating something. I have to wait until the irritation in the voice clues me in that we have already covered that topic.
The Shepherd understands all of these dynamics. In a conversation with my dad the Shepherd explains my difficulty with the phone. And my dad, a very distant feeling person says, “I like to hear her voice – so I can feel connected.”
Perhaps in all of my self-pity over the past few months I have missed where I can have real influence… make a difference.