I don’t know. I feel like something inside of me has just snapped. I have wanted faith. I want to know God. I have sought. I have pretended it was all right…. and right now I FEEL like I am tired of pretending. I wonder if it is time to be faithless. I am not sure what that would look like, but I am not sure it is far from where I am.
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I think you are being faithful… When the Bible says: “We walk by faith, not by sight”, the point is that faith is what we believe in the DARK, not what we can see clearly in the light. If you are in the dark, AND you are still asking God where He is, then that is faith! Through the ages, the testimony of the saints as they mature has been that they go through a ‘dark night of the soul’, a time when God seems removed. I wonder if that is what is happening with you?
I’m so sorry you are struggling my friend. I wish I had the right words for you. Just know I am carrying your burden.