http://shepherdswife.org » Uncategorized

Beautiful Sounds

admin — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 05:02:21 +0000

My thirteen year old daughter has a friend staying the night. They are upstairs chatting and giggling. It is a constant sound. A sound that makes me smile. I wonder if that is how the Church sounds to God when … Continue reading →

How are you Doing?

admin — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 01:14:12 +0000

I had an email exchange with an a friend from college. She asked me how I am doing It caused me to take a moment before answering.

There is the quick, standard, “I am doing alright. How are you?” Of course both parties realize we are doing a cursory exchange and neither side anticipates real information.

But I gave Theresa a hint of a more real answer. I carefully crafted, “I am not going to be running a marathon anytime soon. And I won’t be running our business either. But each day has its own potential to be rich.

That is my hope right now… the potential for any given day to be rich.

A broken vessel

admin — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 01:02:59 +0000

It is time. Time to accept the me I once was is gone. The tumor and surgeries took away my vision, made me a gimp, and stole my memory. I am no longer the same.

It is not the limp or partial blindness that makes me so different. It is the sense of failure and inability. It is the feeling of irrelevance that make me different. It is the crushed spirit that is ready to give up. Ultimately, it is the knowledge that I am beat. I am no longer invincible. Instead, I am one who must ask for help, receive assistance, and rely on others for so much.

I don’t like many of the words I use for myself. But I am at the point of admitting defeat. I will humble myself and see if God wants to use this broken and fragile vessel.

Redemption Day

admin — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 02:04:31 +0000

Today is dubbed Redemption Day for S’s daughter. It is the anniversary of when she spoke up of the abuse she had been tolerating.

The Shepherd is tied to it’s victory… for he is the one who shared hope. He is the one who spoke truth and said Redemption is real and available for you… you who were abused. You who have also made bad choices because of your pain, or because of yourself. Regardless, God loves you and wants you. God restores you.

It is a good day. A day I cannot be separated from. This has been a very hard place for me to be… it is associated only with pain and tragedy. But, this day reminds me the shepherd brought a life changing/saving message.

admin — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 05:27:43 +0000

Humility, shame, and embarrassment. I have been pondering how similar these three feelings are. I am reminded when I lose control of myself and lash out or when I fall short of being able to do the simplest of tasks. I experience one of the three often. The question is then whether I move to shame. Am I able to gain control of all the turmoil inside of myself or do I allow it to control me?

If I don’t gain control then I am sure to suffer shame and embarrassment. If I pause and think, I am likely to find humility and back down from my accusations and frustrations.

There is a song, “Blessed be the Name of the Lord. He gives and takes away and my heart will choose to say, ‘Lord, blessed be your name.” I find those words so hard to sing. I feel like He got too personal with me. He gave me much and then He took away much. Initially, I tried to then Bless His Name. Today, I find it takes far more effort. I have to chose to say, “Lord, blessed be your name.”

Searching

admin — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 22:48:12 +0000

I know my heart is not dead. And not dead to God. I listen to Praise/worship and I weep uncontrollably. I want to know/find/understand/love God. I can’t seem to get there. Like much of my life. Maybe I am cocooned … Continue reading →

Ugh

admin — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 01:07:13 +0000

The half loyalty of all equals no loyalty at all.

Looking Forward

admin — Fri, 22 Jun 2012 07:06:07 +0000

I am thinking about my trip and anticipating the opportunity to share about my experience of the past 8 months… since I was last home. I am thinking about what I would want to share. How would I summarize what I have learned or “Why God has allowed this to happen”?

I could go in several directions, but I think one of the greatest lessons has been the importance of relationships. I am blessed by my husband and my daughters. I am blessed by friends who have stuck with me through all of my searching and distress. I know in time I will see or understand more of the hand of God.

Right now I see the blessing of being married to the Shepherd. Knowing his faithfulness to love me in sickness and in health, in good times and bad,that he has chosen to love, honor and respect me….. even as I have a different mind and body than when he made the covenant to me.

So Excited!

admin — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 04:17:44 +0000

I am going to visit my friends and family soon. I am giddy with excitement. Though I have had people visit this past year, I do not remember much from their visits. I am so excited to have a visit I will remember fully. I am ready to share my soul with friends whom I have entrusted myself for over a decade. I am ready to feel safe in worship. I am ready to be HOME!

Must Laugh

admin — Fri, 18 May 2012 07:59:09 +0000

Tonight I was making refried beans. I had a quart bag full — and it fell to the floor. Beans went everywhere including all over my shoes. I was left on one bad foot hobbling around trying to not track beans as I wiped up the mess. Suffice it to say the beans are no longer up the cabinet doors but I would not be surprised to find bean tracks for a few more days!