Rob,

I have waited along time to write this letter. I have some questions that continue to haunt me. I am hoping you will extend to me the courtesy of answering a few.

The hurt created by the decisions of the leadership at Singing Hills is tremendous. Derrick and I came to Hillsboro in response to the call of the church. We left Oklahoma with the knowledge of God’s call to come here.

Derrick served faithfully, with honor and commitment to preaching the Bible with honesty and to challenge each of us. He worked many hours completing all responsibilities,

So, here are my questions, Rob. Did you consider what the world sees? Did it matter that people like my dad, a skeptic, would see the church firing my husband while I was recovering from 3 brain surgeries? Did you consider what my three daughters would think about the Church? Did it matter at all that as teenagers, the church’s betrayal could effect their understanding of God? When the plot was forming, how did you reconcile “holiness” and the deception you would put forth?

I beg you to answer these questions for me. I still have literal nightmares from the Singing Hills experience. I am hopeful you will help quiet them with an honest response.

Sincerely,

”

I don’t really expect a response from Rob.  I think he is to self-important to bother.  But, I hope I am wrong.  I hope he will show enough consideration to respond with something real… not just a brush off.

I worked hard to keep the hostility from the letter.  I do not think I succeeded.

Their solution now is to hire a youth minister.  They believe they need the demographic of families with teenage children.  Phil was recognizing the children’s minister may be on the chopping block. The offerings cannot sustain another staff person.

So to recap.  The elders fired the senior pastor, the pastor in charge of small group ministries, knew the music pastor would resign, and now are planning to reduce hours or fire the children’s pastor.

Somehow, they still think the problem is staffing and not themselves — the ones making the decisions of the church.

This congregation has been the same size for 30 years with problem after problem.  They have not grown despite the city going from 30,00 to 150,000.  Perhaps, just maybe the problem is the leadership?

Hmm.  I wonder if this was the problem we ran into at the church.  Derrick had the vision of bringing real relationship with God to the people.  He wanted to help them want God to be their favorite thing.

Tom wanted 100 people to have God be in the top ten list of favorites.

The elders, as the ones leading the church, had to decide which methodology to embrace.  It was not a moral question.  It was not a debate of theology.  It was a decision of methodology.  But the elders did not want to decide on that.  Instead they decided to get rid of Derrick and Tom both.

Theoretically, they can wrestle with the methodology over the years and come to it piece by piece.  But, what kind of damage was done by the approach they took?  I look at my dad, a skeptic of Christianity.  And by looking at my experiences with the church, why would my dad ever embrace the church at any level?

I see my mom who is without a church home.  Looking at my church experience, why would she want to bother finding a church?  Why would she see it as a worthwhile ?endeavor?

And finally, I think about my girls.  They have been raised in the church with great value and love for the Church.  And now they see parents who are disillusioned, tired, and trying hard to be faithful despite the questions.

So the elders were afraid or too lazy to work through their philosophy of outreach; favorite of many, or many exposed to God.  They made a decision that left many reeling and disillusioned.  And I think their decision about outreach became irrelevant.  Instead of the decision being about being a light unto the world, they succeeded in turning people away from the Kingdom.  They demonstrated why one would want to never be associated… not being a favorite of any, let alone hundreds.

T was fired at the same time as the Shepherd.  One of the elders worked to get him on staff at another church.  T has moved and is employed.

He will be losing a lot of money on his house.  He will be starting all over.  And this was the second time he was treated badly by this church.

Nonetheless, he was blindsided too.  And he is not doing well.

The Shepherd and I talked today.  He is still not sure we will make it. That has me unnerved.  I have always known we will make it, it is what we do.

With the Shepherd’s uncertainty, my world feel less solid.  With T’s  status I feel less secure.

My heart can’t help by cry out, “O God, if you love your church, save her!”  “God, if you love your servants, save us!”

I hurt that the Church, or church, rejected me.  I hurt that the Shepherd is so battered.  I hurt that I don’t have a church to call home.  At a time of crisis like this, you are supposed to be able to turn to the church.  After all, I have been committed to the Church for the better part of 30 years.  How can I now be without a church home?

I want a place to belong.  I want to feel the love that says there is Hope.  I want to know there exists purpose in all of the hurt.

And the church told me I am not wanted.  “Please, go elsewhere.  Please take the Gospel of grace, forgiveness, and acceptance somewhere else.”

I suppose I have to wait on God.  And see if I really do believe in a Gospel of grace, forgiveness and acceptance.

Those who wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength, they shall mount up on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)

Help us Lord, to wait .

One of the things that stood out in reading the article is how much Petyon’s team believes in him.  They expect him to lead the team to the Super Bowl and will do everything they can to achieve it.  One of the offensive linemen said, at the end of the game, we want Peyton’s uniform to still be clean.  Nobody is getting to him!

I wonder what it would have been like at the church if the elders had taken a similar approach for the Shepherd.  What if they saw their role as being the linemen to protect the quarterback?  They would still all be on the same team playing for the same prize.  Perhaps then the church could have moved down the field and scored some points instead of finding the pastor knocked down in the turf so often and acquiring nagging injuries.

I find myself in turmoil.  I want to tell these sheep about their elders.  I know there exists Biblical precedent as well.  Paul was pretty clear in a couple of his letters in dressing down the church leadership.  I cannot claim divine inspiration so I try to be very careful and err on the side of silence.

O God, fill my heart with grace and forgiveness.  Give me understanding of when to speak and when to be silent.  Never do I want to tear apart your Church.  Nor do I want to endorse deception.  Give me wisdom .

Everyone in my house is without church connection.  I am even more grateful we have our girls in a Christian school so they can connect with believers. And so they can have Christian teachers to look up to.  So they can be asked to give Christian service.

And now I must figure out how to serve God, worship, and study without a church until we find one.  That has always been the advantage of being a pastor’s wife… when we moved it was to a new ministry and we already knew what church we would attend.

¹⁷ In the following directives I have no praise for you, for your meetings do more harm than good.¹⁸ In the first place, I hear that when you come together as a church, there are divisions among you, and to some extent I believe it. ¹⁹ No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you have God’s approval. ²⁰ So then, when you come together, it is not the Lord’s Supper you eat, ²¹ for when you are eating, some of you go ahead with your own private suppers. As a result, one person remains hungry and another gets drunk.²² Don’t you have homes to eat and drink in? Or do you despise the church of God by humiliating those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I praise you? Certainly not in this matter!

²³ For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, ²⁴ and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body,which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”²⁵ In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood;do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” ²⁶ For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

²⁷ So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. ²⁸ Everyone ought to examine themselvesbefore they eat of the bread and drink from the cup. ²⁹ For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves.

Last night our share group met and partook of the Lord’s Supper together.  Derrick shared this passage.

The Church in Corinth was coming to gether.  The wealthy would arrive early and the day laborer would arrive after his work was complete to find all of the food was gone.

I was struck by how much I related to the day laborer.  I worked hard to get to the gathering of the believers and when I arrived nothing was left for me.  In essence I was asked not to return.  I know, melodramatic again, but I really do feel betrayed by the church.  My life has had more hurt in the past two years than I remember in any other 24 month period.  And the greatest hurt is feeling like I am unwanted and I have nothing to offer.

I saw you at church Sunday.  You were kind enough to come and speak to me.  For that I am grateful.  You sasked how I was doing.  I honestly replied, “Not very well.”

I have replayed the conversation many times since.  I have a couple of thoughts.  First, I am really glad I did not give you and Rob a “free pass” by saying I am fine.  I am not fine.  I am hurt by the betrayal.  Of all the people at this church, I gave you the most of myself.  I shared honestly with you and of things that mattered.  I respected your opion snd ideas.  I honestly thought we shared mutual respect for one another.  I would not have bestowed the title of friend upon you, but I thought the possibility existed.

In my thinking of how things played out at the church, I am quite convinced you had an influence of Rob’s lead.  I am guessing you came back from your conference on conflict resolution knowing the board had to have a change of dynamics.  I do not know that you came up with the plan and I know you certainly were not the one to implement.  But I am just cynical enough to wonder if it will make a good case study for your doctoral dissertation.  If it is, I wonder if you will include antecedotes of the collateral damage.  Will you tell of the people who walk away from the Church because it is mean?  Will you tell the stories of the people with whom Derrick had relationships and they are now stripped away? Will you recount the cynicism created by the lies and charades of the elders?

It is one thing for a board to make decisions about the production of widgets.  It is quite another to be affecting the way people understand God and the community of believers.  It is not by accident Jesus said, “They will know you are Christians by your love.”  It is not by our efficiency, our willingness to implement programs, or any other board decision.  It is by our love.  Please tell me, how did this conflict resolution demonstrate any love?  The board may have been “saved” but how many people are lost because they saw the unkindness?  They felt the sting of betrayal.